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“Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love, though I’d stepped in it a few times.”
—Rita Rudner
Take It Like a Man
My nine-year-old son was asking when a photo of me was taken. I was distracted and flubbed my answer: “That was taken on the day I married your Mom.” Before I could correct myself, my son called out to my husband, “Hey, Dad! Turns out, Mom’s a dude!”
—Suzanne
Repenting at Leisure
I once introduced my first wife as my first wife—while still married to her.
—Josh
The Upper Hand
I was alone in my boyfriend’s apartment when I happened upon an engagement ring nestled in a drawer. With my heart pounding, I carefully slipped it back into its hiding place. That weekend, my boyfriend suggested we go for a walk through a historic park. When we came upon a bench, he asked me to sit down, close my eyes, and put out my hand. I did, but then gave myself away: instead of holding my hand out palm up, as if to accept a gift, I held it out palm down—with my ring finger conveniently extended.
—Chrissy
Ad Nauseam
As a recent immigrant to the United States, I was still struggling with English. But it didn’t take me long to fall in love with an American woman, and we were on our first date. When the mood suddenly turned romantic, I looked deep into her eyes and tenderly said, in English, “I am lovesick.” Only I garbled the translation, and my actual words were, “I am sick of you.”
—Jaroslav
The Movie
Gaffers Quiz
And we don’t mean the ones lighting the sets.